Play Me a Symphony When I Die永别时请为我奏一首交响曲

I think often， since I started working here， about the appetite for life. For three years I’ve been coming to play in the unit two or three days a month. Each time with someone different. Sometimes a member of the city’s symphony orchestra， in which I’m the first-chair violinist; sometimes a jazz musician， since I’m also involved in that scene. First we play in the family room for the patients who want to hear us， with or without their friends or families. Then we go play in the rooms， only if our presence is requested.

自从我来到这个城市工作，我常常思考什么是生命的渴望。三年来，我每个月都有两三天到这个病区演奏。每次的搭档都不同：有时是和本市交响乐团的同事，我是那儿的首席小提琴手；有时是和爵士乐手，因为我也活跃于那个领域。我们首先会在家属休息室为想听演奏的病患演出，不管他们是否有亲友陪伴。然后，我们会到病房演奏，但仅限向我们发出邀请的病人。

Nine or ten months ago I met a patient， Madame Signy， who I wanted to talk to you about. In her youth， she was a pianist and a music teacher. She never stopped practicing her instrument， and she was a music lover of admirable cultivation and retention. The first time I played for her， she recognized all the classical pieces. “Bach， sonata No. 1， second movement，” or “Tchaikovsky， concerto for violin in D major，” she would say as she hummed along with long passages.

大概九到十个月前，我遇见了一位患者，西格尼夫人，我想讲讲她的故事。西格尼夫人年轻时是一名钢琴家和音乐教师。她习琴不辍，对音乐有着深切的爱，而她的音乐修养和记忆力令人钦佩。第一次为她演奏，她就辨认出了所有的古典乐曲。“巴赫，第一奏鸣曲，第二乐章。”“柴可夫斯基，D大调小提琴协奏曲。”她会边说边哼着长长的乐段。

I had a hard time admitting that Madame Signy was seriously ill. She was thin and frail， no question. But there was a striking joie de vivre1 in her eyes.

我很难相信西格尼夫人病得很重。她确实身体羸弱，但她的眼神却闪耀着超乎寻常的生命活力。

After the first time we met， Madame Signy’s husband told me privately that she waited eagerly for each one of our visits， and that she had expressed a desire to him： she wanted us to come play until the last moments of her life. She was imagining her death in the unit. She saw herself in her final agonies2 with us at her side， playing works by Schubert and Haydn.

我们第一次见面后，西格尼夫人的丈夫私下告诉我，西格尼夫人非常期待我们的每一次来访，并对他说了一个愿望：她希望我们能一直为她演奏，直到她生命的最后时刻。她在想象自己在病房中离世的情形。她希望自己在经受病痛最后的折磨时，有我们在身边演奏舒伯特和海顿的曲子。

This was the first time anyone had asked me such a thing. I didn’t know how to respond. I couldn’t accept on behalf of my companions. I could only accept personally. But accepting meant being called for an emergency， at any hour of any day， to come with violin in hand to the bedside of a dying woman.

这是我第一次收到这样的请求，不知该如何回应。我不能代表同伴作出承诺，只能代表自己。而这意味着我在任何时候都可能被紧急召唤，拿着小提琴来到一个临终女子的床前。

To get off the hook， I told Monsieur Signy that I didn’t know whether the service would allow such a thing… Knowing Madame Gosselin as I knew her， I assumed the unit would agree to the request. But I bought myself some time.

为了摆脱这个尴尬局面，我对西格尼先生说，我不确定医院是否会同意这样做……据我对戈塞林夫人的了解，我想医院会同意这个请求的。不过我为自己争取到了一些思考的时间。

Before giving my answer， I talked to Madame Gosselin， who gave her approval. Monsieur Signy continued to await each of my visits anxiously. But the illness was devouring his wife. At first， she talked to me passionately about her favorite quartets： Beethoven’s last ones （especially the thirteenth and fourteenth）， Alban Berg’s opus 3， all of Darius Milhaud’s quartets， the very first by Samuel Barber （which is where his famous Adagio comes from） and Leoš Janáček’s Kreutzer Sonata， for instance. It was wonderful to talk about these pieces with her. However， bit by bit， her fervor seemed to dull.

在做出决定前，我和戈塞林夫人谈了谈，她果然同意了。西格尼先生继续忧心忡忡地等待我每一次的到来，而病魔仍在吞噬他的妻子。起初，西格尼夫人还充满激情地与我讨论她最喜爱的四重奏，比如：贝多芬的最后几部作品（尤其是第十三和第十四弦乐四重奏）、阿尔班·贝尔格的作品第三号、达律斯·米约的所有四重奏、塞缪尔·巴伯的第一首弦乐四重奏（其著名的《弦乐柔板》即源于此），以及莱奥什·亚纳切克的《克罗伊策奏鸣曲》。与她谈论这些作品真的很美好。然而，她的热情似乎在一点一点地消退。

Monsieur Signy made a superhuman effort to bring his wife a bit of lightness. And I， too， played with a bit more ardor than usual. I nearly even overplayed， which had the unfortunate consequence of creating the opposite reaction in such a sensitive music lover.

西格尼先生竭尽所能给他的妻子带去一些快乐，而我也比平时更加投入地演奏。可惜，我的演奏有些过火，对这位敏感的爱乐人产生了适得其反的效果。

In the four weeks leading up to her death， she didn’t want to hear anything about me， or my violin， or music in general. She had lost all appetite for the greatest passion of her life. At first， Monsieur Signy and I thought she was feeling rage or disgust， that it was a feeling that would pass. But the most shocking thing was to see her go from that first reaction to complete indifference. One month earlier， she and her husband had made a list of the pieces I would play during her last moments. It didn’t include anything mournful. No requiems， quite the opposite： excerpts from Schubert’s trio No. 2 and Haydn’s last violin concerto.

在她生命的最后四周，她不想听到关于我和我的小提琴，以及任何与音乐有关的事。她对一生中最热爱的事物全然失去了渴望。起初，西格尼先生和我以为她只是一时有些愤怒或厌烦，这种情绪很快会消散。但她由最初的这种反应渐渐变为彻底的冷漠，这实在让我们震惊。一个月前，她还和丈夫制定了希望我在她临终时演奏的曲目清单。这份清单里没有悲伤的乐曲。不是安魂曲，而是风格迥异的舒伯特第二钢琴三重奏和海顿最后一部小提琴协奏曲的选段。

During the four weeks that followed， I thought a lot about the pieces they had chosen， which I had to adapt to play as solos. I wanted to play flawlessly for her.

在那之后的四周里，我认真思考他们挑选的这些曲目，我得将它们改编成独奏乐曲。我想为西格尼夫人带去一场完美的演出。

Madame Signy died on a Sunday morning and nobody called me to play during her final throes. She had told her husband that， upon reflection， she wanted only silence at the moment of her passing. Silence and his presence， also silent if possible. When I learned this， I was hurt. I told myself that Monsieur Signy could have at least called me to play the agreed-upon program at his wife’s grave. But that was idiotic and petty. In the midst of his pain， Monsieur Signy hadn’t had time to think of me.

西格尼夫人是在一个周日的早晨去世的，在她生命的最后时刻，没有人通知我去演奏。她告诉丈夫，经过深思熟虑后，她只想在寂静中离世。只要寂静和他的陪伴，可以的话，希望他也保持沉默。当我得知这一消息时，我很难过。我以为，西格尼先生至少会让我去他妻子的墓前演奏之前商定的曲目。但这种想法愚蠢且狭隘。西格尼先生沉浸在痛苦中，根本没有时间想到我。

It’s funny， but last week I got an offer to play Schubert’s trio No. 2 in public. I accepted without hesitation. And I thought， naturally， about Madame Signy. If you want to come hear me， I’d be truly delighted. It’ll be in September， at the Rouen Opera. I’ll be playing in homage to Madame Signy. And you can come listen to the music in her honor.

巧的是，上周我收到一份邀约，有机会公开演奏舒伯特的第二钢琴三重奏。我毫不犹豫地接受了，并自然而然地想到了西格尼夫人。如果有人愿意来听我演奏，我将欣喜不已。这场演出将于9月在鲁昂歌剧院举行。我将借此机会向西格尼夫人致敬。欢迎大家来听这首为纪念她而演奏的曲子。

（译者为“《英语世界》杯”翻译大赛获奖者）

1 joie de vivre〈法〉对生活的热爱和享受。  2 agony极大的痛苦。