Becoming a Working Dad爸爸工作带娃两不误

Among the transitions people face in their lives， becoming a parent may be the most consequential. The fact that this life change is often expected and joyful does little to reduce the emotional upheaval and personal and professional adjustment required.

人们一生中经历的转折性事件中，成为父母或许是影响最为深远的一个。这个人生转变通常是在愉快的期待中到来，但这一事实几乎不能减小伴随而来的情感剧变，也不能减少对个人生活和工作所作的必要调整。

The impact brought on by massive growth in the number of working moms is inextricably entangled with the impact of having a new culture of engaged dads. As more and more moms have entered the workspace （two-thirds of mothers with children under six work outside the home; for those with children over six， the number balloons to 77%）， more dads have entered the parenting space.

生育后上班的女性数量大幅增长，与此同时父亲参与育儿的新文化正在形成，这两方面变化产生的复杂影响相辅相成、密不可分。随着越来越多的母亲进入职场（孩子在6岁以下的母亲中，三分之二有家庭之外的工作;孩子在6岁以上的，这个比例飞升到77%），越来越多的父亲进入了育儿领域。

Some of this change is by necessity—working moms， by definition， have less time in their day for childcare and increasingly demand that dads step up—but far more of the change is by choice. Dads， it turns out， enjoy being more involved in childrearing. Asked how they view their role in the family， three-quarters of fathers say their role is “both earning money and caring for my child.”

这一变化有时源自必需——进入职场的母亲，顾名思义，不再有那么多的时间用于照顾孩子，她们日益需要孩子父亲站出来应对挑战。但是，在更多的情况下，变化还是源自个人选择。事实证明，父亲们乐于更多参与育儿过程。当被问到他们在家庭中扮演的角色时，四分之三的父亲回答，他们“既要挣钱也要照料孩子”。

Here are five tips for new dads to make the transition into working fatherhood a process that’s not just life disrupting， but life affirming， too.

以下五个建议可以帮助新爸爸渡过转折期，适应工作带娃两不误的生活。这一转变过程会令人手忙脚乱，但也可以令人大受鼓舞。

Accept it

坦然接受

The first lesson for new dads is not to skip over the changes involved. A phase of life has passed. Instead， accept that becoming a father brings with it a host of emotions. These emotions include not just upbeat ones， like joy， elation， and pride， but also downbeat ones， like fear， anxiety， and helplessness.

新爸爸要学习的第一课就是不能忽视出现的变化。人生的一个阶段结束了。要坦然接受，升任爸爸会带来很多情感变化。这些情感不仅仅包括积极的，例如喜悦、得意和自豪，还包括沮丧的，例如恐惧、焦虑和无助。

Researchers in Australia did a comprehensive analysis of more than 500 research papers and found that anxiety disorders in expectant fathers begin in early pregnancy and are widespread across the perinatal period. These feelings crest around birth， when dads often succumb to bouts of helplessness and solitude. For men who already have a history of mental health challenges， these changes can be especially acute.

澳大利亚的研究人员对500多份研究论文做了一个全面分析，发现即将成为父亲的男性在配偶怀孕早期就会出现焦虑症状，而且该症状在整个围产期普遍存在。种种焦虑会在孩子出生时达到高峰，父亲在那时通常会感到一阵阵的无助和孤单。对于有心理健康问题既往史的男性而言，这些变化可能尤为显著。

On top of those emotions at home， dads often feel a sense of concern about falling behind or losing pace at work. Certain routines with colleagues and bosses， from social gatherings to conventions to weekend rounds of golf， may diminish in priority， thereby stoking fears that the responsibilities at home are undermining opportunities at work.

除了在家里感受到的这些情感之外，爸爸们还常常会忧虑工作上落后或者减速。以往和同事及老板一起参与的某些常规活动，从社交聚会到会议到周末高尔夫，或许不再排在优先位置，从而引发担心，生怕在家里尽责会失去工作上的一些机会。

The point is that transitioning to fatherhood is an emotional experience; take time to identify and accept it.

重点是，成为父亲的过程是一种情感经历，要花些时间来理解并接受它。

Mark it

勇于表达

So how should working dads cope with these feelings？

那么，职场爸爸们该如何应对这些感受呢？

The answer is to bring the feelings into the open by finding appropriate venues to explore them. My research has found that people use a variety of techniques to respond to the rush of emotions in life transitions： Some write about their feelings; others buckle down and push through. But 80% of people use rituals—public， often shared experiences that indicate to themselves and those around them that they’re going through an emotional time and are preparing for what comes next.

答案就是将这些感受公之于众，找到恰当的场合来探讨。我的研究表明，人们会使用各种各样的方法来应对人生转折期出现的情感问题：有些人将感受写下来;有些人则加把劲，硬闯过去。但是80%的人求助于仪式——公共的、通常多人参加的仪式，向他们自己以及身边人表明他们正在经历着情感波动，在为即将到来之事做准备。

The same applies to fathers. A host of research has shown that for working dads， sharing stories with others in a support group can help. Even online groups work. The reason such encounters are effective is that gathering with peers in safe settings allows new fathers to normalize their concerns and even use humor to exert some control over them. Expressing these feelings has been shown to lead to completeness， maturity， personal growth， and pride.

同样的方法也适用于爸爸们。许多研究表明，对于职场爸爸而言，在互助组里和别人交流各自的故事会有帮助。即使是线上的互助组也有用。这样的交流之所以有效，原因在于，和情况相似的人在安全场所相聚，新爸爸得以让焦虑心理回归正常，甚至还可以用幽默适当控制忧虑。已经证实，把这些感受表达出来会带来完善、成熟、个人成长和自豪感。

Shed it

摆脱期待

If the first phase of a life transition is focused on saying goodbye to a past that is not coming back， the second phase， “the messy middle，” is concentrated on settling in and adjusting to the new reality. The first step in that process involves giving up old ways.

如果说人生转折期的第一阶段专注于告别一个再不复返的过去，那么第二阶段，“混乱的中间阶段”，就要致力于调整和适应新的现实。这一过程的第一步就需要放弃旧的生活方式。