英语写作之 书信与故事续写

刘教授：

您好！

我是宁波象山一中学的学生，我写了两篇英语作文，烦请您抽空帮我批改指导一下。不胜感谢！

余辽

一、英语书信写作

【写作任务】

假如你是李华，你的外国朋友来信询问你校“英语角”的建设进度，请你给他回信。内容包括：（1）告知进度;（2）询问建议;（3）期待回信。要求：（1）词数80左右;（2）可适当增加细节，使行文连贯。

【原文】

Dear Herry⑴

Thank you for your concern about our progress in organizing an⑵English Corner. I’d like to share something with you.

Delightedly， we’ve gotten enough English reading materials⑶ with fruitful themes⑷， which may be a good channel for students to broaden their horizon. Another up-lifting⑸ thing is that all the staff have been ready⑹ for their work⑺ since yesterday. However， we can’t decide which style the decoration⑻ should be. So⑼ would you mind giving us an idea on how to cater ⑽students’taste？

Looking forward to your reply.

Yours，

Li Hua

【刘教授批注】

（1）这个名字有点怪。至少我好像没有看到过。一般都是Harry。名字上，实在吃不准的，不如用一个大家都认识的，如Jack、Tom之类。另，称呼后面丢了标点。这个标点，英文一般都用逗号。

（2）他既然来信询问“英语角”的事，那么，“英语角”就应该是他知道、你也知道的事，而且前面的信中肯定已经提到，所以此处应该是特指，用the，而不用an。

（3）一般来说，抽象意义上的“材料”用不可数（如reading material），具体意义上的用可数（如building materials）。虽然如今这个词的用法比过去宽松不少，但我们还是严谨一些为好。

（4）什么是fruitful themes？看不太明白。主题是有收获或有结果的，这是什么意思？fruitful与themes搭配上有问题。如果是rich themes，主题丰富，大家还能明白。不知道你这里想要说的是什么。词汇学习，在写作中的应用，一定要注意搭配。

（5）意思不清。这个thing是要lift up什么？没有语境，意义就无法依附了。

（6）ready是一个状态，have been ready实际意思就等于这种状态已经有过了，也就是已经过去了，那么意义就不对了。这种完成体，应该用动作动词，不应该用状态动词或表示状态的其他词（如ready这样的形容词）。如果想用ready，那么，这个句子建议改为we are ready（后面的since yesterday同时删去）。

（7）What work？也是因为语境的问题，意义不清。

（8）没有限定，搞不清楚是什么东西的decoration，不妥。如果是the decoration of the English Corner room就清楚了。语言运用一定要注意其限制因素。

（9）此处so可删。

（10）动词用法错误。查一下词典就知道了。

刘教授点评：

全文92个词，符合词数要求。回信内容总体齐全，语言通顺流畅，也有一定主次重点，应该说还是不错的。问题主要有两点：

1.词汇意义不是很清楚，词汇搭配不正确，如fruitful themes，up-lifting等。

2.对语境制约因素关注不够，如the decoration，up-lifting等。

针对这两个问题，建议：

1.平时词汇学习一定要注意弄清其具体意义和搭配，不可仅依据自己脑子里的汉语意义来“翻译”。

2.写作一定要注意语境，在什么样的语境下才有什么样的语言用法。脱离语境的语言是很危险的。

二、故事续写

【写作任务】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

Once there was a slave named Androcles， who was so badly treated by his master that he resolved to run away from him. He therefore secretly left his master’s house and hid himself in a forest， some miles distant from the city.

After wandering about for some time， he came to a large cave， and overcome by hunger and tiredness， he lay down in it， and soon fell fast asleep.

He was suddenly awakened by the roar of a wild beast; a great lion stood right at the mouth of the cave. There was no way he could escape！

Androcles expected nothing else than to be at once torn to pieces， but to his great surprise， the lion came gently towards him， without showing any signs of anger. It gave forth a low and mournful （悲哀的） sound， as if it were begging for his assistance. As the lion approached him， he noticed that one of its feet was swollen.

He then went up to the lion， took hold of the wounded paw （爪子）， and examined it as a surgeon would examine a patient. He was not long in finding out the cause of the swelling; for he saw in the ball of the foot a very large thorn （刺）. The slave pulled out the thorn， and pressed out of the wound a quantity of matter， which gave the lion immediate relief.

Then， the lion began to show his gratitude by every means in his power. He jumped about like a playful spaniel （西班牙猎犬）， wagged his great tail， and licked the hands and feet of his physician. From that moment Androcles became his guest; the lion always shared his prey.

The slave continued to live like this for several months. At length， wandering carelessly through the woods， he was seized by a company of soldiers who were sent by the master to search for him.

注意：

1.所续写短文的词数应为150个左右;

2.至少使用5个短文中标有下画线的关键词语;

3.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好;

4.续写完成后，请用下画线标出你所使用的关键词语。

【原文】

Paragraph 1：

He was sentenced to be torn by a lion in the public arena （竞技场）. On that day， Androcles stood in the middle of the arena calmly awaiting his fate. _________________________________

Paragraph 2：

However， the lion didn’t act as most had imagined. __________________________________

He was sentenced to be torn by a lion in the public arena⑴ When the time for his destruction came， Androcles stood in the middle of the arena calmly waiting for his fate⑵. Presently ⑶a dreadful yell ⑷was heard， which made the auidience⑸ start to tremble⑹. A huge lion then sprang out of a cage， and darted forward upon its victim ⑺with flaming eyes and gaping jaws. It⑻ stopped， eyes staring at the poor slave. Then came a thunder ⑼applause.  Appar-

ently

the audience in the arena were⑽ waiting for some blood⑾.

However， the lion didn’t act as most had imagined. Instead of spring upon the man， and tearing⑿ him to pieces， it gently licked Androcles like a dog！ The governor of the city ordered Androcles to explain how the fierce beast， in a moment， become⒀ as harml-

ess as a lamb. Androcles told his adventures in the forest. The audience was so delighted with his story that they begged the governor to pardon Androcles. This is he did⒁， and he also offered Androcles the lion which⒂had twice spared his life⒃