巧用修辞， 续写美文 广东

【名师导学】

读后续写要求语言风格与原文的语言风格保持一致。因此，在写作时，我们要充分利用所学的知识来模仿原文的语言风格，使续写部分与原文的总体表达形式和语言风格一致。

很多时候，我们续写出来的句子缺乏亮点，因而，我们可以在写作中恰当地使用修辞手法，给语言增色。修辞是一门有着独特魅力的艺术，它能化平淡为新奇，化呆板为鲜活，化枯燥为生动。在写作中巧妙运用贴切的修辞手法，能增强语言的表现力、说服力和感染力。

那么，在实际的写作中，我们该如何围绕主题意义，顺承原文语言风格，运用恰当的语言来构建语篇呢？我们又该如何运用恰当的修辞手法为文章增色呢？下面就以一篇读后续写为例来探讨这一问题。

【案例导引】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

That cold January night， I was growing sick of my life in San Francisco. There I was walking home at one in the morning after a practice at the theater， feeling unbearably cold and unutterably exhausted. With opening night only a week away， I was still learning my lines. Hard as I tried， I was having trouble dealing with my part⁃time job at the bank and my acting at night at the same time.

As I walked， I thought seriously about giving up both acting and living in San Francisco. City life had become too much for me. The burden on my back seemed to be crushing me to the earth. As I walked down the empty streets under tall buildings， I felt very small and cold. Very few people were still out except a few sad⁃looking homeless people under blankets. I began running， both to keep warm and to keep away from any possible robbers.

About a block away from my apartment， I heard a sound behind me. “Am I being followed by someone？” I thought with fear. With my heart popping wildly like a deer， I turned quickly， half expecting to see someone with a knife or a gun. The street was empty. All I saw was a shining streetlight， which was telling the struggling stories of people in San Francisco. Still， the noise had made me nervous， so I started to run faster. Eventually， I reached the apartment building， took out the key， unlocked the door， and rushed into the room. When I reached into my pocket to take out the wallet， I suddenly realized what the noise had been. It had been my wallet falling on the sidewalk. Suddenly I wasnt cold or tired anymore. All the money I had was in the wallet， without which I would have to starve for the rest of the month.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1：

I ran out of the door and back to where Id heard the noise.

Paragraph 2：

Just as I was about to give up the search， I heard a garbage truck pull up to the sidewalk next to me.

一、原文的语篇要素

[who I when that cold January night where in San Francisco what I lost my wallet on my way home. why I began running， both to keep warm and to keep away from any possible robbers. how I heard a sound behind me， but thought it was someone behind me. ]

二、原文的情节脉络发展

[realized that the wallet was lost] [began running][Development][was walking home][Beginning][Ending

] [Climax][The plot] [？]

三、原文用到的修辞手法

“我”厌烦了在旧金山的生活，对生活与工作（包括排练）感到失望和无奈，最终考虑离开。然而，在寻找钱包时发生的事情使“我”感受到了人间真情，于是“我”最终放弃了离开这个城市的想法。原文运用了押韵、夸张、比喻、拟人和排比等修辞手法来描述环境，抒发情感，渲染气氛，加强语势，增强表达的效果。

（一）押韵

中国古代的诗词歌赋中，某些句子末尾的字韵母相同或相近，这使作品声韵和谐，具有节奏和声调美，读起来朗朗上口，给人一种独特的和谐优美之感。汉语如此，英语也是如此。

例如，原文第一段中的“There I was walking home...feeling unbearably cold and unutterably exhausted.”，其中的unbearably和unutterably两个词尾韵相同，用它们来分别修饰cold和exhausted，这不仅读起来朗朗上口，还能充分表达出“我”当时濒临崩溃、想要放弃的状态，给读者留下深刻的印象。

（二）夸张

夸张是一种运用丰富的想象力，在客观现实的基础上有目的地放大或缩小事物的形象特征，以增强表达效果的修辞手法。夸张是用言过其实的方法，突出事物的本质，或加强主人公的某种感情，强调语气，烘托气氛，激发读者丰富的想象，使读者产生强烈的共鸣。

在原文第二段中，“我”想放弃演戏甚至城市生活，觉得城市生活的压力快把自己压垮了。在这里，文章采用的表达为“The burden on my back seemed to be crushing me to the earth.”，此句中的burden主要来自心理压力。这句话巧妙地运用了夸张的手法，强调了压力之大，激发读者的想象，使读者产生了共鸣，让读者更能感受“我”想要逃离这个地方的强烈欲望。

（三）比喻

比喻是一种常用的修辞手法，用跟甲事物有相似之点的乙事物来描写或说明甲事物。换言之，比喻就是打比方，就是根据联想，抓住不同事物的相似之处，用浅显、具体、生动的事物来代替抽象、难以理解的事物。在写作时，使用比喻可使事物形象具体，以此激发读者的想象，富有很强的感染力。写作中，比喻主要是明喻和暗喻。

在原文第三段中，“我”在跑回公寓的路上突然听到一个声音，以为是被人跟踪，感到很害怕。“With my heart popping wildly like a deer， ...gun.”这句话运用了比喻的修辞手法，把心怦怦跳比喻成小鹿乱撞，生动地写出了主人公当时的紧张与心有余悸。

（四）拟人

拟人的修辞方法，就是把事物人格化，将本来不具备人的动作和感情的事物变得具备人的动作和感情。适当地采用拟人化手法，能增强语言表达的感染力和生动性，使被描写的对象栩栩如生，活灵活现，可以增强文章的感染力和吸引力。

在原文第三段中，“我”转身看到身后的街道空空如也，一个人也没有，只看到闪烁的街灯，它就像是在诉说着人们在这里苦苦挣扎的故事。“All I saw was a shining streetlight， which was telling the struggling stories of people in San Francisco.”这句话用了拟人的修辞手法，借用闪烁的街灯来诉说在这里生活的艰难，既生动又极具感染力。

（五）排比

排比是把结构相似、意思密切相关、语气一致的词语或句子成串排列的一种修辞方法，将意义相关或相近、结构相同或相似和语气相同的词组或句子并排，达到一种加强语势的效果。排比的行文有节奏感，朗朗上口，有极强的说服力，能增强文章的表达效果和气势，深化主题。

原文第三段也巧妙地运用了排比的修辞手法。“Eventually， I reached the apartment building， took out the key， unlocked the door， and rushed into the room.”中的reached、took out、unlocked和rushed into四个并列的谓语动词，展现了一系列的动作，强化了当时那种紧张害怕的氛围，增强了表达效果。

以上是原文中使用到的修辞手法，那么，在续写的时候，我们该如何巧用修辞才能让续写部分既达到与原文语言风格一致，又给续写的段落增加亮点呢？

四、续写故事中修辞手法的运用

（一）夸张

根据情节的发展和续写第一段的段首句可知，主人公跑回去找他的钱包了。钱包对他来说非常重要，在还没找到钱包之前，他应该是既紧张又担心，所以在续写的时候可以巧用夸张的修辞手法来表达他焦急的心情，如“I was so anxious， as if my heart had leaped into my throat.”。这句话描述了主人公的担心，其中的as if my heart had leaped into my throat形象地表达了主人公焦急、紧张的心情。

[素材积累]

1. That horror movie made my hair stand on end. 那部恐怖电影吓得我头发都竖起来了。

2. After seeing the horror film， she really had her heart in her mouth. 看完那部恐怖电影，她被吓得心都提到嗓子眼了。