优化动作描写，刻画人物形象

【问题导读】

当前的读后续写大都是要求续写人物的经历，补充后续的故事情节。这种记叙性的文体离不开对动作、环境、心理、外貌、语言、神态等方面的描写。不少同学受制于有限的语言表达能力，又缺乏有效的针对性训练，这导致续写内容过于平淡、人物形象苍白、语言空洞，读起来索然无味，毫无感染力。因此，重视描写性的语言素材积累，加强专项训练就十分必要。

动作描写是读后续写中的一项重要微技能。我们在读原文时，可以通过关注文中的动作描写来快速梳理文章的情节，分析人物的性格，感受文章的语言风格。在续写时，我们可以通过描写人物的具体动作来推动情节发展、塑造人物形象和展现人物性格。

【名师导学】

通过优化动作描写，文章不仅可以反映人物的身份、地位，还可以体现人物的心理活动过程，从而使人物的性格特征跃然纸上。因此，一篇优秀的读后续写离不开生动形象的动作描写。

进行动作描写时，不是不加选择地对所有人物的所有动作都进行描写，而是要对能够体现人物性格特征的动作进行准确、生动地描写。成功的动作描写，可以通过选择准确的动词、合适的状语和合理的句式来实现。

另外，我们平时要有积累意识，把课文、练习和课外阅读中碰到的有关动作描写的词句摘抄下来。我们可以按照动作的类型来积累，如可以分为眼、手、口等不同的身体部位的动作，还可以分为走、跑、跳、笑、哭等动作。

【案例导引】

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

I was a vet in Yorkshire. One day I received a call from Mrs Tompkin asking me to cuther budgie’s （虎皮鹦鹉） beak （喙）. I dropped what I was doing immediately， armed myself

with a pair of clippers and stepped onto the narrow strip of pavement which separated thedoor from the road. A pleasant looking red⁃haired woman answered my knock. “I’m Mrs Dodds next door，”she said.“I keep an eye on the old lady. She’s over eightyand lives alone.”

Chatting with me friendly， she led me into the cramped little room， and said to the oldwoman in a corner，“Here’s Mr Herriot coming to see Peter for you.”Mrs Tompkin noddedand smiled，“Oh that’s good. The poor little fella can hardly eat with its long beak and I’mworried about him. He’s my only companion， you know.”

“Yes， I understand， Mrs Tompkin.”I looked at the cage by the window with the greenbudgie perched（栖息）inside.“These little birds can be wonderful company when theystart chattering.”

She laughed.“Yes， but it’s a funny thing. Peter never has said that much. I think heslazy！ But I just like having him with me.”

“Of course you do，”I replied patiently，“but he certainly needs attention now.”

The beak was greatly overgrown， curving away down till it touched the feathers of thebreast. I would be able to revolutionize his life with one quick snip from my clippers. Theway I was feeling this job was right up my street. I opened the cage door and slowly inserted my hand. “Come on， Peter，”I wheedled（哄骗）. Lifting him out， I hunted in my pocket with theother hand for the clippers， and then stopped. The tiny head was no longer poking cheekily from my fingers but had fallen loosely toone side. The eyes were closed. He was dead. Mrs Dodds and I stared at each other in horror. When I turned my head towards MrsTompkin， I was surprised to see that she was still nodding and smiling. I drew her neighbor to one side.“Mrs Dodds， how much does she see？”

“Oh， shes very short⁃sighted， but she’s right vain despite her age. Never would shewear glasses. She’s hard of hearing， too. ”

“Well， look，”I said. My heart was still pounding.“I just don’t know what to do. If Itell her about this， the shock will be terrible. Anything could happen.”

Mrs Dodds nodded with a sad face.“Yes， you’re right. She’s that attached to the littlething. ”

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1：

Suddenly it occurred to me that I could buy her a new bird in the nearby store.______

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Paragraph 2：

It was a long time before I dared to go back to Mrs Tompkin’s to see how she got along with the new bird._________________________________________________________________

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一、厘清文本内容，明确语篇主题

（一）原文要素

（二）原文主题

本文讲述了一位兽医被叫去为一位独居老人的虎皮鹦鹉剪喙的故事。兽医发现这只虎皮鹦鹉事实上已经死了，但是因为老人的视力和听力都欠佳，所以她并未发现。为了不让老人失去她唯一的伙伴，兽医决定不告诉老人真相，还要为她买一只相似的虎皮鹦鹉。故事体现了对老人和弱势群体的关爱。

二、品读原文经典，领悟动作描写

（一）精选动词，力求精准描述

【例1】I armed myself with a pair of clippers.

我准备好了一把剪子。

【例2】I keep an eye on the old lady.

我照看着那位老太太。

【例3】I hunted in my pocket with the other hand for the clippers.

我用另一只手在口袋里找剪刀。

【例4】My heart was still pounding.

我的心还在狂跳。

评析与点拨：根据人物所处的环境和性格特点，选用准确恰当的动词能把人物刻画得活灵活现，同时也能让读者在具体的语境中体会到夸张或幽默等表达效果。如果上面四个例子中的四个粗体动词（词组）分别用prepared、look after、looked for、beating来替换，各个句子就会变得平平淡淡，读起来索然无味。从应试的角度来看，准确地选用动词，能体现考生的语言水平，是作文获得高分的基础。

要准确地选用动词，通常需要运用具体动词替代笼统动词。请体会下表中左右两列动词在表达准确性方面的差异。