The Letters of Penelope Fitzgerald (Excerpts)佩内洛普·菲茨杰拉德信札（节选）

【导读】此处节选的一封长信（有删节）出自英国布克奖女作家佩内洛普·菲茨杰拉德（1916—2000）的书信集《所以我想到了你：佩内洛普·菲茨杰拉德信札》（So I Have Thought of You： The Letters of Penelope Fitzgerald， 2008）。这封信是作者1987年写给大女儿蒂娜1的，彼时菲茨杰拉德70岁，蒂娜37岁。

信中，菲茨杰拉德向女儿袒露了她的恋旧与软弱，她请求蒂娜把那条半新不旧的塞拉普披巾还给她——口吻不是命令式的，而是朋友般的。读者能感受到母女间的平等、尊重与关爱。菲茨杰拉德与女儿分享并回忆了自己的生活，这个请求不仅仅是关于保留塞拉普披巾本身，更是希望能保留一段与过去的珍贵联系。

再次感谢特伦斯·杜利先生——诗人、翻译家、本书信集的编辑、佩内洛普·菲茨杰拉德的大女婿兼她的文学遗产执行人——授权刊发本书信集选段。

76 Clifton Hill2， NW 8

于伦敦克利夫顿山76号，（邮政编码）NW8

12 January [1987]

（1987年）1月12日

Dearest Tina，

我最亲爱的蒂娜：

They say it’s going on for several days， and “elderly people living on their own”， old folk， like myself， are given useful advice， which is to keep warm， and to remember that it is warmer inside than out—not quite true here， where all the pipes have stopped working and Theo3 has gone down to work （which he never does on Mondays） because there is central heating at the College of Heralds. He left his bath full of water and Desmond4 and I found it had turned to solid ice—would be bath-shaped if it was taken out， which Luke would like. And that’s the main point of this letter， to say how tremendous it was to see Lukey5 himself again， and more so， eating and bustling about and putting us all in our places. You and T6 have been so steady and patient with him all the way through and that’s made him able to come through it， because it was an illness， even if it’s never likely to come back again.

他们说这种天气要持续好几天，并且建议“独居老人”，即像我这样的老年人，务必要注意保暖，还提醒说屋里总比屋外暖和——不过，我这儿可不是这样，屋里所有的水管都冻住了。因为纹章院有中央供暖，西奥都去上班了（本来他周一是从不上班的）。他的浴缸里装满了水，我和德斯蒙德发现水已经冻成了一整块冰——要是把它取出来，大概还能保持浴缸的形状，卢克见了一定喜欢。这正是这封信的主要目的：告诉你我又看到卢基是多么开心，尤其是看到他吃吃喝喝，活蹦乱跳，还忙着“指挥”我们大家。你和T一直以来对他都坚定而有耐心，让他能度过那道难关，因为那可真是场大病，尽管可能永远不会复发。

I wish I’d finished digging up the back garden before the great cold， as the frost would have got into the earth then and broken it up， but then there are so many things I ought to have done. I’m reading Virginia W.’s diaries again， not from the genius point of view， but all her little jealousies and miseries about the reviewers and the housekeeping and Leonard’s rash， and going upstairs to tell him （where he sat solidly pipe-smoking and advising Labour Politicians） “my book is hopelessly bad， I must destroy all the proofs at once” and Leonard steadying her down and saying “you know you always say that， you know you say it every time”.

真希望我在严寒来临之前把后花园的土全部翻整了，那样霜就会渗入土壤，将其冻裂。但话说回来，我还有许多“该做却没做”的事情呢。我又在读弗吉尼亚·伍尔夫的日记，这次不是为了欣赏她的文学天赋，而是读她的小小嫉妒，读她因书评、家务和丈夫伦纳德的皮疹而产生的烦恼。她会跑上楼告诉伦纳德（他泰然坐着，边抽烟斗边为工党政治家出谋划策）：“我的书糟糕透顶，我必须立刻销毁所有校样！”伦纳德让她平静下来，并说道：“你知道你总是这么说，你知道你每次都这么说。”

The lunch party on Sunday wasn’t at all what I expected， not really a Virago one7， but it would have been wrong not to go. Tim Hilton cooked enormous quantities—mussels， which I couldn’t eat， but fortunately a little girl， a 5-year old， Lily， was also very critical of the idea of eating them and that， I hope， meant I wasn’t noticed so much—pasta with a nice sauce， which I thought was the main course， then a beautiful leg of roast lamb with roast pots. cut small and mangetouts—the baby （9 months） sat there very gravely and good as gold， reminding me a little of Paschal8—he has a cot in their bedroom and a wooden playpen in the corner of the living-room （bookshelf built all round the picture-rail， quite a good idea， but how to reach the books？ But the bookshelves were all completely full）—one of the guests， in fact the mother of shellfish-rejecting Lily， was Jemima Thompson， now living at 34 Well Walk， where I was brought up， with a nice journalist husband from Newcastle looking like Philip Larkin9， and her mother， Ursula Thompson， but I don’t know if you remember them next door at Chestnut lodge or going to stay with them near Lulworth Cove， or the little brother Toby， now a psychiatrist. I walked back with Jumima through the freezing Hampstead streets （she was going to give someone a Greek lesson， having given up her job at Time Life when Lily was born）—enough of all this， you’ll say.

周日的午餐会完全出乎我的意料，不是真正的维拉戈式午餐会，但不去总归不好。蒂姆·希尔顿做了很多菜——贻贝，我吃不下，幸好有个5岁的小女孩莉莉，也对食用贻贝十分排斥，但愿这让我不那么显眼——接着是带美味酱汁的意大利面，我以为那是主菜，但随后上来了一道美妙的烤羊腿，配切成小块的烤土豆和嫩豌豆。这个宝贝（9个月大）沉着地端坐在那里，乖巧可人，倒有点让我想起帕斯卡尔。他在卧室里有张婴儿床，客厅角落里有个木制的游戏围栏（书架一直延伸到天花板下的挂画线，主意真是不错，但该怎么拿到书呢？书架可全都摆满了）。其中一个客人，杰迈玛·汤普森，也就是贝类抵制者莉莉的妈妈，她现在住在韦尔沃克街34号，那是我小时候住的地方。与她同住的还有她做记者的丈夫，人很好，来自纽卡斯尔，长得就像菲利普·拉金；以及她的母亲厄休拉·汤普森。不知你是否记得，在栗树小屋时，他们曾住在我们隔壁，还有我们曾和他们一起去卢尔沃思湾附近游玩。你还记得那家的小弟弟托比吗，他现在已是一名精神科医生了。我和杰迈玛穿过寒冷的汉普斯特德街道回家（她要去给人上希腊语课，她在莉莉出生后辞掉了时代生活出版社的工作）——差不多得了，你或许要这么说。

Now a weather report on TV， showing those brightish clouds in the SW and very black ones in the SE， so hope it isn’t， in Lukey’s words， “terribly cold in Weston”. You always manage to make things easy wherever you go， but still， with 2 tiny children， it does mean managing. —They keep saying it’s the coldest night for 425 years—but can it be worse than those nights in Fergie’s10 time， when the tree fell， and you all had to huddle into the living-room？ Or indeed when Valpy11 was born， and all the patients crowded into my room because I had a new-born baby and so was allowed a coal fire？ At least you’re not in the shop and won’t have to discuss the matter of the cold with an endless succession of people.