A Modest Proposal1刍议一则

th December 2020

2020年12月某日

H. M. Treasury

于英国财政部

Dear B.C.，

亲爱的英国公民：

I write to you because accountancy is tiring my patience and I have developed some better schemes which will propel me to fame. It is melancholy to consider the bank statements and tax returns of common people while they hang in doubtful circumstances; and， only being trained to contend with positive numbers， I have not enjoyed examining the arrears， debts， and bankruptcies which now litter my desk， from which I can not extract my usual fees or benefits.

写信给你，是因为会计工作让我不胜其烦，我已想出了一些更好的方案，将会促我声名鹊起。斟酌普通人的存疑银行对账单和纳税申报单让人心情郁闷，而且，我仅仅是正在接受与正数打交道的训练而已，不喜欢审核如今摊满我办公桌的欠款、债务和破产文件，我无法从中抽取平时的费用或好处。

I do not pay much attention to the comings and goings of the world， but I am perfectly capable of an inference： the nation is suddenly very poor. There may be some root cause of our fiscal decline， some point of origin， but I am not one to speculate on grave matters of that sort. Between you and I， my only wish is to avoid these people who clearly spend their money irresponsibly and have， for some reason， stopped contributing to their local economies， much to the loss of everyone involved. Businesses are sinking left， right， and centre because the population has developed an unaccountable love of the hearth and home.

我对世事的兴衰起伏其实并不那么在意，但我完全有能力做出推断：国家突然很穷了。我们的财政收入下降或许有其根源，其来有自，但我可不想去揣测这类严肃的问题。不妨悄悄告诉你吧，我唯一的愿望是避开那些明显花钱不负责任之人，这些人由于某些原因，不再为当地经济做贡献了，弄得所有牵涉之人都损失惨重。企业山穷水尽、危机四伏，原因就在于民众莫名其妙地迷上了温情脉脉的居家生活。

On a cold morning in November， taking my daily exercise before taking my toast and tea， I passed the black railings of Downing Street， which—have you been there？—looks out on the well-enclosed and confined land of St. James’s Park. I thought it very quiet for a Monday morning， but the unaccountable emptiness afforded me some benefits. In the absence of a crowd， I took notice of the road， pavement， and doorway which leads to the Prime Minister. As his white hair flashed across the dark window， I realised that a man of my training and experience， well-acquainted with numbers and profits—and working next door—could offer a humble proposal to stimulate our economy.

11月的一个寒冷早晨，在吃烤面包和早茶之前，我按着每天的惯例晨练，经过唐宁街的黑色栏杆——你去过那里吗？那儿正对着圣詹姆斯公园那片封闭而狭窄的土地。以周一的早晨而言，我觉得那里非常安静，但这种莫可名状的空旷却给了我一些好处。因为没有人群经过，我留意到了通往首相官邸的道路、人行道和门口。当首相的白发掠过黑暗的窗户时，我意识到，一个像我这样受过训练而富有经验之人，对数字和利润了如指掌——而且就在隔壁工作——可以提出一个微小的建议来刺激我们的经济。

I began to take notes in a pocket-book about the financial state of our island and the future prospects for our trade. Because we are ever-allied to Europe， we may rely on continental support on all matters related to the free-market. I have not read the news for a couple of days， which means that I can not comment on the finer points of our eternal alliance： but I do know that we are forever bound to a mutual agreement about fishing waters， which is never likely to falter. I would suggest that we invest heavily in a campaign to make sea water the national beverage. Being an island surrounded by—even submerged in—our chosen commodity this is certain to work， and because our environment is warming to a delicious and desirable temperature， we will have more seawater to trade as time progresses： the compound interest will pay dividends. The plentiful supply of warm sea water will also mean that we can trade our national beverage at a fair rate with our global allies， on the condition that they reciprocate with nuclear weapons and other cheap， easy， and effectual items.

我开始在一个小笔记本上就我们这个岛国的财政状况和未来贸易前景做些笔记。由于我们一直与欧洲结盟，我们可以在与自由市场有关的所有问题上依赖欧洲大陆的支持。我已经好几天没看新闻了，因而无法对我们永恒联盟的细节发表评论；但我明确知道的是，我们永远须遵守一项关于捕鱼水域的共同协议——这一点绝不可能动摇。我建议我们大力投资开展动员，号召以海水成为国民饮料。作为一个被我们所选择的商品包围——甚至淹没——的岛国，我的这一提议肯定奏效；而且，由于我们的环境正变暖到一个适宜和理想的温度，随着时间的推移，我们将有更多的海水进行贸易：复利拿来分红。温暖的海水应有尽有，也意味着我们能够以公正适当的价格将国饮出售给全球的盟友，条件是他们以核武器和其他价廉易取、有效可用的物品作为回报。

I fear that I have no more to offer you in this letter. My plan for seawater was halfway calculated when I spotted， at a distance of approximately two metres， a man huddled in a doorway stroking a white and grey cat. He had rectangular glasses and a bald head， and by his clothing I recognised a fellow projector. I approached him with my notebook in hand， but he leapt up in a state of fear， hurtled down the street pleading his innocence， and turned the corner like a convict. He must have seen me coming， but if only—if only！—I had been able to show him my notes， we might have solved so many problems together.

恐怕在这封信里，我已经别无他话可说。我对海水的计划刚刚算完一半，就看到在大约两米外的地方，一个男人蜷缩在门口，抚摸着一只灰白相间的猫。男人戴着一副方框眼镜，秃顶，从他的衣着来看，我认出他和我一样，也是一位规划师。我走近他，手中拿着笔记本，但他惊恐地跳了起来，沿着街道飞奔而去，辩称自己是无辜的，然后像个罪犯一样拐过了街角。他一定看见我来了，但要是——要是！——我当时有机会把笔记本给他看，那我们说不定早就一起解决好多问题了。

I hope that we may meet in the future when my plan is in better shape. We may have to meet in the new year because I have developed a cough， which is difficult to shift in the cold weather. The other night I could not sleep because I was struggling to breathe， but this is because I have been busy with my work， and the constant strain has rather rattled my corpus. I have taken to walking more often， but I do not enjoy society nowadays. Unaccountably， the honest business of hand-shaking seems to have fallen into obscurity， like all matters of decorum in recent times.

希望将来我的计划更完善时，我们可以见面。我们可能要在新的一年才能见面了，因为我咳嗽了，在寒冷的天气里很难治好。不久前的一天晚上，我睡不着，因为呼吸困难——但这是因为我一直忙于工作，持续的压力令我的话里颠三倒四。我现在更喜欢散步了，但我不喜欢社交。不可思议的是，握手这种诚实的行为现在似乎渐至被人遗忘，就像近来所有得体的行为一样。

I enclose a book for you to read， which I have carefully examined with my fingers for imperfections.

随信附上一本书供你阅读，我已亲手仔细检查了它的瑕疵情况。

Yours until we meet，

你的，直到我们见面

I. Bickerstaff

I. 比克斯塔夫

（译者单位：山东理工大学）

1 本文是在2020年12月《伦敦杂志》（The London Magazine）上发表的一篇随笔。《伦敦杂志》是英国最古老的文学期刊，其历史可追溯到1732年，刊发过包括雪莱、济慈、艾略特、柯南·道尔、杰克·伦敦、安吉拉·卡特、乔治·奥威尔、西尔维娅·普拉斯在内的众多著名作家的作品。篇名A Modest Proposal显然有意模仿了讽刺文学大师乔纳森·斯威夫特（Jonathan Swift，1667—1745）1729年的同名随笔，作者名I. Bickerstaff则与斯威夫特当年发表作品常用的笔名Isaac Bickerstaff极其相似。译者多方查考仍无法找到本文作者的介绍资料，权将此文当作作者对斯威夫特的致敬之作。需特别说明的是，篇名译为《刍议一则》，是向周作人、刘炳善两位前辈译家致敬（他们将斯威夫特的同名随笔译为《育婴刍议》）。