父母的爱与子女的爱Parents’ Love and Their Children’s Response

读到那篇引起广泛讨论的文章《我们如此深爱我们的儿女，他们爱我们吗？》，不禁想表达一些不同的观点。

After reading the widely discussed article titled “We Love Our Children So Much， Do They Love Us in the Same Way？”， I feel compelled to offer a different perspective.

该问题的提出，实际建立在这样一个命题基础上：父母之所以爱子女，是因为他们期待子女会以理所当然的爱回报父母1。这显然是一种传统观念。

The premise of the article is based on the assumption that parents love their children because they naturally expect their children to love them in the same way. This belief， however， is rooted in tradition.

应当知道，父母对子女的爱与子女对父母的爱，是两个不同的概念。

It is important to recognize that the love parents have for their children and the love children have for their parents are distinct concepts.

在现代文明社会中，父母对子女的爱不仅是出于本能，更应该是不求回报2的，因这是对社会细胞——家庭所应承担的责任。

In today’s modern civilized society， parental love should be both instinctive and unconditional， as it is a responsibility that comes with family—the fundamental unit of society.

父母看着子女从幼小到长大，他们的天真、活泼、可爱，直至成才与成熟3，这整个过程本身就是对父母最大的慰藉。子女长大成人，拥有自己的生活、家庭和事业，这已是父母爱的最好成果，还有什么更多的奢望呢？

Parents find solace in watching their children grow from infancy to adulthood， witnessing their innocence， loveliness， and cuteness， and eventually seeing them mature. This journey itself is a profound source of comfort and joy for parents. When children grow up， build their own lives， and succeed in both family and career， that is the ultimate reward for parents’ love. What more could parents ask for？

随着社会福利和医疗体系的完善，在西方发达国家，父母 “养儿” 已不再为了“防老”——既不需要他们经济上的支持，也不需要生理上的照顾，甚至不需要感情上的时时陪伴。如，在澳大利亚医院里，子女无法陪护父母，因护理工作是由专业人员承担。随着中国经济和制度的不断进步，我们也可能逐步朝这个方向发展。

Surely， this does not mean that parents love their children any less. As the saying goes， “A parent’s home is always a home for their children， but a child’s home is not always a home for their parents”. In modern families， even after children have established their own lives and careers， it’s reasonable for parents， when possible， to provide support in various forms.

当然，这并不意味着父母对子女的爱会因此减少。俗话说：“父母的家永远是子女的家，而子女的家却不是父母的家”。在现代家庭中，即使子女已成家立业，父母在条件允许的情况下，给予一些各种形式的资助，也合情合理。

However， there are differences in terms of degree， scope and social demeanor. The parents mentioned in the article， dropped by “uninvited” in Nanjing University to see their daughter， who studied Chinese Language and Literature at the School of Liberal Arts. With an old-fashioned mindset， they had hoped to surprise her with this unexpected visit. However， their daughter complained that， by showing up unannounced， her parents had interfered with her planned outing with friends—this reflects a more modern outlook. For parents， it is important to understand that love for their adult children includes respecting their independence and individuality.

这里有程度、范围、待人接物方式等的不同。该文中提到的那对父母，去南京大学中文系，以“不速之客”出现在女儿面前，想给她一个“意外的惊喜”，这是旧观念4；而女儿抱怨父母未经她同意，就冒然来此，干扰了她与同学的相约出游计划，这是现代人的观念5。父母应当知道，对于成年子女的关爱，重要的内涵就包括对于他们独立人格的尊重。

This article’s attribution of children’s lack of love for their parents to the “one-child era” is not appropriate. In fact， families with multiple children face similar issues.

该文将子女对父母的不爱归因于“独生子时代”，这并不妥当。事实上，多子女家庭同样会面临类似问题。

The bond between parents and children， although shaped by the way they are raised， has little to do with the parents’ social status or educational background. I have seen nearly illiterate mothers raise deeply filial children， just as I have seen high-ranking officials or intellectuals embroiled in domestic disputes， which sometimes even end up in court. Family values make all the difference.

父母与子女之间的亲疏关系6，与父母的教育方式有很大关联，但与父母的社会地位或文化水平并无必然关系。我见过几乎文盲的母亲教育出非常孝顺的子女，也见过所谓的高官、高知家庭，却家风不振7，甚至因家庭纠纷闹上法庭。

In short， parental love is instinctive and selfless， while children’s love for their parents is naturally responsive， but not necessarily guaranteed and should not be expected as an obligation.

另一方面，作为现代社会的父母，应有自己的生活、事业与兴趣，不应再“以儿女为中心活着”；父母的生活目标与希望不应全都寄托在子女身上。

As parents are also someone’s children， if they reflect on their own love for their elders， this will become quite understandable.

总之，父母对子女的爱是本能和无私的，而子女对父母的爱是这种爱的自然回馈，但未必是必然的，也不应被视作理所当然的期待。

对此，同样作为子女的父母，设身处地想一想自己对于长辈的爱，其实不难理解。

在自然界中，像老虎、狮子这样的顶级捕食者，遵循着一种自然的父母与子女的离别方式。当子女逐渐学会了独立捕食、照顾自己后，父母会在某天的某一时刻——通常是在子女享受美食或尽情欢愉之时，从旁静静观察一阵，然后悄然离去，以后可能再也不会见面；它们只知完成天然使命，而不求任何回报。正是以这种方式，大自然进行着物种的延续和生态的平衡。

In nature， top predators like tigers and lions follow a natural way of parting between parents and offspring. Once the young have learned to hunt and fend for themselves， the parents will， at some point—usually when the offspring are enjoying their feast or having fun—quietly observe from a distance and then silently leave， probably never to be seen again. The only thing they know is that they should complete their natural mission without expecting anything in return. It is through this process that  ensures the continuation of species and the balance of ecosystems in Nature.

在动物界尚且如此，何况属于万物灵长8的人类呢？

If this is true even in the animal kingdom， how much more so for humans， allegedly the most intelligent of all beings？

因此，如果父母的爱，不再以期待子女回报的爱为基础9，也就不会再有所谓的遗憾、失望和痛苦了。

Therefore， if parental love is no longer tied to expectations of reciprocity， there will be no room for regret， disappointment， or sorrow.